You Have Your Moments
by Owl of Nevermore
Summary: It is Sarah's birthday, and there is only one wish on the top of her list; a new stepmom. She enlists the help of her best friend Ellie, to set him up with rough around the edges part-time waitress Tess. Even with his daughter's prodding, can love bloom for Joel, or will her wish go unfulfilled? [AU, no Cordyceps]


I wrote this one-shot because a friend challenged me to write a romance pairing story, in a failed attempt to make me want to write pairings more. So, here it is. I know it says complete, but I might if I need a break from writing my main story (or get challenged again), write more one-shots about this AU universe, and add here.

I know it totally throws out all chronological timeline that Ellie and Sarah are best friends, but who better to matchmake Joel than his two Baby Girls?

* * *

 **YOU HAVE YOUR MOMENTS**

From the moment they left the house, his daughter had a weird look in her eyes. Bright and cheerful, but also scheming. Or maybe Joel was just imagining things. Something weren't right about her birthday dinner request either. Last year she had to have a sleepover party. Five giggling girls running about the place, cackling like witches around a cauldron until two o'clock in the damn morning. This year her request was simple;

 _"_ _Really, Daddy, all I want is dinner at the diner. Just me, you, and one friend. One dinner. You don't even have to get me anything."_

 _"_ _That is all. You sure, Baby Girl, you could drag me to some awful movie. I won't say a word, until the day after, then complain like hell."_

 _"_ _We'll see how it goes."_

She said nothing more after that. Remained silent the whole drive to her friend's house, only spoke to be extremely specific on the diner they just had to go to. Truth be told, he couldn't see why she had to go there. The place was a dump. Hardly anyone went there, because the service was terrible and the waitress couldn't give two shits about earning her tips.

He pulled up outside the house, and did the whole dad thing; waiting awkwardly in the car, while his daughter dashed out before it came to a full stop. Waved awkwardly to her friend's mother. Sat there listening to the radio, while his daughter took twenty minutes to do whatever the hell it was girls did, to keep men waiting.

* * *

Sarah knocked on the door covered with horror movie posters, and was invited in. Ellie's room was a mess. As good as wall to wall books, and the parts that weren't covered had either rock band or more horror movie posters. Clothes on the floor. CDs scattered across the desk near a pretty good stereo. Ellie herself was sat on her unmade bed, stuffed toy giraffe beside her, reading a joke book.

Ellie looked up from her book. "Why did the octopus blush? Because he'd just seen the bottom of the ocean."

"Terrible," Sarah informed her.

"Why don't teddy bears ever eat at picnics? Because they're stuffed."

Sarah tilted her head to the side, scrunching her face, implying that it wasn't so bad. Not funny. Just not terrible.

"What is the most exciting beverage for a soccer player? Penaltea…" Even Ellie had low expectations of that one making her laugh. It didn't. "Alright, one more, then we leave." Ellie turned the page. "So, you're not afraid of ghost puns? That's the spirit!"

Okay, that one wasn't that bad, but Sarah gave it a pity laugh. Once the whole ordeal of the joke telling was over, Sarah sat on the edge of Ellie's bed.

"I need your help with setting up my dad with someone," Sarah blurted out.

"Sure," Ellie said, hesitantly. "But who? Your dad is blind to anything other than coffee or work. I am not setting him up with my mom."

"No! I know who. You know that diner hardly anyone goes to?"

"Terrible food. Terrible service. I know the one."

"Uncle Tommy ate there last week, and said Dad and the waitress are cut from the same cloth. That has to be good, right?"

Taken back by the very mention of it, Ellie had her doubts. Then gave it some thought. Both Joel and the waitress were hardly a "people person." Sarah seemed so focused on it, and nothing Ellie could say would talk her down from this one. Worst that could happen was this was a huge disaster, and Sarah would never try to set her dad up with anyone ever again.

"Alright," Ellie said. "I'm in."

* * *

"Hey Joel," Ellie said, climbing in the back seat of the car with Sarah.

Joel nodded. "Ellie," he replied.

Ordinarily it would be considered rude for a kid to call a grown up by their first name, but since Ellie practically lived at their house, staying over every weekend and most school nights, Joel allowed it. Her mom had joined some cult or something. No one knew or cared. Anna was not above leaving the care of her daughter to others. Not that Joel could complain. She was a good kid, and Sarah liked her.

The two girls spent the whole drive to the diner whispering to each other. Conspiring something or other. Whatever it was, Joel was too tired to care. Once Sarah's birthday was over, he had to go back to convincing his more-or-less deadbeat brother to get off his lazy backside, and commit to the job. He could do many things, but renovating the whole interior by himself was not one of them. He had two jobs; first was actually doing the job, second was arguing with Tommy to get to work already. If he wasn't his little brother, he would have fired him long ago, and hired someone more focused. Or at least didn't argue with the client, again.

* * *

The diner was a dump. A run down building, with the sign on the verge of falling off. Sarah took her father by the hand, and steered him inside. Inside, the place was surprisingly much better. Not exactly spotless, but not a crap hole either. All the furniture had seen better days, but not exactly falling apart either.

It didn't take the girls long to find a booth or the waitress either. Most of the tables were empty, except for one kid near the small arcade scribbling all over placemats with crayons and ketchup. The waitress however leaned against the counter, reading an economics textbook. Her shoulder length brown hair adorned with a bandana folded into a headband. Her nametag revealed her name to be Tess. She didn't even look up at them.

Five minutes of waiting, she passed by their table to get some menus.

"We ain't in a hurry to eat," Joel said, snippily.

"Good, because I'm not in a hurry to serve you," Tess retorted.

Any other customer would have cut her tip in half, but she had doubled it on that alone. The girls had decided she and Joel were perfect for each other. Ellie and Sarah being young failed to understand love didn't work that way.

"Dad, can I have a sundae instead of cake?" Sarah asked, as the menus were brought over.

"Anything you want, baby girl," Joel replied.

The girls searched the menu, choosing things they both wanted, like burgers, fries, all the good stuff. Joel was just a black coffee and steak kind of guy, and he didn't need a couple of minutes to decide that. He knew before he sat down. Since the girls were taking their time, he figured it best to make small talk with the waitress—Sarah was counting on this. Take so much time, that he had no choice but to break the ice.

"Economics, huh?" Joel said, noticing the textbook. "You at college or something?"

"Yeah. Can't work in this place forever," Tess replied.

"True." He honestly couldn't think of anything to stay.

"What you studying for?" Ellie said, moving the conversation on a little more.

"Econ. Then I'll go to business school." She shrugged. "Are you going to order, or do you want to know more about my personal life?"

Two guesses what the girls chose. Sarah started the first question, got an answer, then Ellie would fire the next. They went on like this;

"What do you plan to do?"

Tess shrugged. "Shipping merchandise about the country." The way she spoke the words was as if she had just pulled the words right out the air.

"Why shipping?"

"Figured I'd be good at it."

Before either of them could fire another question at her, Joel cut in. "Girls, order your food, instead of harassing the waitress—." He looked at the nametag on her tunic. "Tess."

All their orders written down, Tess headed over to the food order hatch, left the note on a peg. Eventually their food came. Ellie made a huge deal of having the inside seat on Joel's side, announcing the birthday girl should have a side of the booth all to herself. In between bites of food, Ellie told many groan inducing pun jokes, before noticing there was an Angel Knives arcade game in the corner, and mentioned out loud she wanted to play it.

The food being eaten, birthday sundaes being served, and a round of _happy birthday_ being sung, Joel thought it was time to pay the bill, and he left a pretty good tip too, considering the microwave at home could have nuked something better, and it would have been served up with a smile.

Joel left a few bucks for the girls to get more drinks, or waste it on the arcade games. "Are you wanting to see a movie, or we could rent one."

"Um… rent one!" Sarah decided. "I think Dawn of the Wolf is out already."

Shit. He walked right into that rake field. Seeing the damn thing in the theatre was excruciating enough. Ellie showed the same enthusiasm—and that was absolutely no enthusiasm at all—with a look that implied the next few hours would be like a slow unending excruciating death.

He left them to it. The moment he was out the door, the waitress Tess announced to the cook in the kitchen she was going on a break, because _"It is dead as a ghost town in here."_ She sat down at a booth at the end of the row. Choosing a seat with her back to the wall, focused on reading her book.

"Damn. He missed his chance to talk to her," Sarah said.

"He'll be right back," Ellie said, as if that was a fact.

"How could you be so sure?"

"Because I just stole his wallet," Ellie replied, presenting the brown leather wallet to prove it.

Five minutes later, Joel came back to the diner. Held his hand out in front of Ellie, as if to imply _give._ He wondered why they were so adamant on keeping him in this dump, and then he saw her. All by herself, reading her text book, with a glass of something that wasn't even soda. Just like that, the penny dropped. This was a set up, and like a sucker he walked right into it.

"No," Joel told them both.

"You did say I could have anything I want," Sarah reminded.

Joel lowered his head in defeat, letting out a sigh. He knew his words would come back and bite him on the ass one day. "Well, you can't have this."

"Please, dad? I don't want the creepy old single guy at my wedding to be you."

"Since when are you getting hitched?" Joel replied.

Ellie slipped over to the other side of the booth, hooked her arm around Sarah's. She joked, "To me. While you were out, I popped the question."

"Oh, good. I only have to pay half for the wedding."

"And my half will have diamond sculpture wolves," Sarah quipped.

* * *

Both the girls watching him, Joel felt like some idiot on display. He walked over to the booth at the end. "Hey," he muttered.

Tess didn't even bother looking up from her book. "If you want something else, I'm on break," she said, in a tone of bored nonchalance.

"Look, I'll cut to the chase here," Joel said.

Capturing her interest, Tess looked up, wedging a piece of a torn napkin from the pages.

"My daughter," Joel said, pointing to Sarah who waved. "And her friend, have got some stupid idea we're soul mates."

Tess glanced to Sarah, then back to Joel. "I wish someone would shoot whoever created that fucking series."

"Sometimes, me to. If you agree, can we stage a little conversation, show them life don't work like that, then we're out of here. Out your way."

Tess gestured at the empty seat in front of her. "Alright. Suppose I better set the charade. Make it look like we're on some sort of date. I'm Tess."

"Joel" he replied, sitting down where indicated—he was glad he had his back to the girls, who were watching him like he was the star of some new teen movie.

"Hey kid," said Tess, to the boy who was drawing with ketchup when they arrived. She slipped him five bucks. "Go get another glass, and put some decent music on the jukebox."

"Five bucks is pretty steep," Joel commented.

"It keeps him out of my way," Tess replied. She further elaborated with, "He's the owner's kid. He'll spend it on the games."

"I suppose I should tell you some stuff about myself."

"That would be a good idea. I'll bite. Where do you work?"

"Renovations and decorating. Just a home business with my brother. I say business, when really I do all the work. All he does is rub the clients up the wrong way, and make excuses."

Tess seemed mildly impressed for a moment. "Not bad."

The kid came back with another glass, and headed for the jukebox. The sounds of rock music filled the miserable diner. Somehow the music made the place seem not so miserable.

"Not a bad pick," Joel commented.

"He knows what I like." Tess pulled a small flask from her pocket, and poured a scotch for him. At Joel's look of confusion, she explained, "The boss wants to believe I don't drink on the job, so I let her."

"Fair enough." He sipped the scotch. So far, they were doing good. Met, talked about work, had a drink, and talked about music. Almost what was expected for a first date. That wouldn't be enough for Sarah's expectations. "You off to college?"

Tess nodded. "Colorado."

"Go bighorns," Joel muttered.

"Well, I'm not exactly going to get into Harvard or some shit. Could be worse."

"I've never been."

"Because of the kid?"

"Yeah."

They were silent for a few moments. Partially sizing each other up, neither wanting to admit the girls might just be onto something. Joel had to admit, she was honest enough about herself, and Tess thought he was possibly the first single dad not to try to cop a feel or turn into a complete stalker.

"I guess we should move onto hobbies and interests," Tess said, urging the conversation along.

"Playing the guitar. Writing a lyric or two."

"Going to a shooting range. Really helps let off some steam."

Now it was Joel's turn to be impressed. "You any good?"

"I do alright, with a paper target. Still got to make every shot count."

They moved on from hobbies onto things they hated, and that was short and moved on from instantaneously.

"Anchovies," Tess provided.

"Being saddled with a job I never wanted."

"I guess that is it," said Tess. "About as far as this date is going to go."

Joel pulled a napkin from the dispenser. "Are you going to be lady and give me your number?"

"Lady," Tess snorted. "Are you going to be all romantic, and give me a flower?"

Joel reached over to the small vase hidden amongst the ketchup bottle, and other condiments. Presented her with the fake rose.

Tess couldn't resist a smile. He was pretty sweet, and she wouldn't mind getting to know him without his daughter watching. "How about, I write a number down on here. Could be real, could be fake.." She scribbled a phone number down, and handed him the napkin.

"Mysterious."

"If we are _meant to be_ , I'll call you back."

"I'll respect protocol, and wait three days," said Joel, standing.

"You better."

As he walked away to show the girls he held up to his end of the bargain, Tess took the rose, using the already flattened stem as a bookmark instead of a torn napkin. Most people stole them anyway. Wouldn't hurt to just take it.

Joel followed the girls out to the car. Both of them wanted to know what had happened. All Joel told them was, he got her number, and refused to comment when asked if he would call her.

* * *

 **Three days later…**

After a long shift, Tess was about ready to crash on the couch, and watch the TV. Her mind was numb from dealing with a shitty little diner, where the clientele were mostly creeps and weirdoes. The good ones weren't as frequent as she would like them to be. If she wasn't doing a dull job for minimum wage and worst tips, she was cramming for college.

On her way in through the door, she dumped her jacket on a pile of boxes near the door—all of the stuff in them she wasn't planning on taking with her to Colorado. The answering machine light flickered. Beside it was a glass with a fake rose in it. She pressed the button to hear the message, and headed into the kitchen to grab a bag of chips to eat in place of dinner.

" _You have 1 new message;"_

 _"_ _Hey Tess, it is Joel—that guy from the diner with the pushy daughter. I'm wondering, how about going out for a drink sometime? If you don't want to do the "proper" thing, you could pick me up. My number is—."_

Tess grabbed a post-it off the refrigerator—it was nothing important, just reminding her to go to the store. She scribbled the number down. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to call him. She grabbed the cordless off the base, leaned against the counter. Still holding onto the paper, and dialed. It rung a few times.

"Hello?" Joel said, upon answering the phone.

"It's Tess," she said. "I got the weekend off. How about I pick you up at eight?"

"Don't bother trying to get me drunk, I don't put out on the first date," Joel quipped. "I'm just not that kind of man."

Tess laughed. "Funny. My dates come with a three drink minimum."


End file.
